So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
