I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
