he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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