Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
