Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
