After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
