Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
