is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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