last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
