This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i will never coherently bang her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize