Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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