We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
