there's paper in my vomit.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
