apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
