After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
