I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you had me at cake vodka
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize