There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
