I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
