Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
