We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
