you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think my moral compass just broke
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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