At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
