Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
