I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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