you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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