Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
