If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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