I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish you could order shots online.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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