I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
