i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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