i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
