Cold hands, warm shart.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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