can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
one might say we're banned from that church
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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