that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
