We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
