I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
