So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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