that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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