I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
