He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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