I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
