did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
