thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
