Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
