I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
