i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
