Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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