if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
