Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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