Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
