According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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