none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
