Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
