dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
