just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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