so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
