i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
