dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will pee on everything he values.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm like, not good at living.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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