He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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