A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
