Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize