I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
