last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
