you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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