How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
