what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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