I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize