I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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