ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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