Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
