Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
