Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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