What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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