Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
