Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
