your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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