ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
