Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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